Watch out for the language lethality Let children avoid the soft violence to encroach on

Watch out for the language lethality Let children avoid the soft violence to encroach on
To the child not to scold, whether mean letting children avoid the violence to encroach on? This generation of children are seized on both sides by the arms by parents' planning, examination of school, desire of the society, it is kidnapped that nearly equal to being forced on various one's own values, the soft violence is nearly seen everywhere. Live in the unequal, environment not respected, the danger that the soft violence brings can't be looked small.
Someone child from " The weak " Become " loser "
Many parents once said these words to children: "I have no time to take you to play, have the time to play to study for a while more, OK? " , " you what have an oar in every man's boat in this way " , " you are like this I do not need you " ; While feeling to the child's behavior that can't understand, some parents will say: " you are a fool " , " can not be high-minded that you grow up " Even summarize and say one sentence while going off: "See sample of yours, the thing good-for-nothing! "
Rich psychological referral centre psychological consultation teacher Zou GuoRong of Shandong studies children's psychology for a long time, he point out in the intersection of Chinese and family, result that parents talk with child " choke extremely child, suffocate child, worried child extremely to death, frighten child to death " often . In fact, a large number of the intersection of children and psychological problem come from the intersection of parents and appropriate misunderstanding and contradiction that language express and born because of this. The lasting one " The soft violence of the language " In the environment, these psychological problems are probably extended, solidified even sharpened.
He introduce, one the intersection of home education and psychological questionnaire investigation for 2008 reveal parents regard child as first worse than oneself weak person in heart, foiling children from the language and all in the action constantly; When the child demonstrates the weakness more, to " the weak " Deny continuously, strengthen, take the child's " loser " even more Image; When the child begins to give up by oneself, impatient parents begin to be too impatient to " do " while complaining about ; Because heart looks down upon children, ignore the child's emotion, the growth which ignores the child needs, emphasize one's own requirement simply: Study, study, study again Under such educational pattern, the child becomes an feeling self-humiliation, incapability, having no goal, not having badly frightened person in the outlook.
How great is the lethality of the language?
A lot of soft violence is produced, it is often parents and teacher, through " blurts out and speaks arbitrarily " Transmit out. Parents and teacher blurt out one mock, belittle language of child, imply, even the small one suggests having significant lethality.
Zou GuoRong analyzes, the child's inner world is very fragile and delicate, the appraisal in child's mind is not that the scale is very distinct too. Some children tend to go to extremes stubbornly, will imagine enlarging the educator's view. So educator's small psychology is changed and displays on face and in tone, even mock it while abusing, will form a kind of negative psychological field virtually, the radiation that such psychological field intensity is great will change child's cognition of this world.
In the case that he has been exposed to, children grow up in getting used to implementing the family or campus environment of the soft violence, increase the following behavioral probability: Deny oneself, suspect, passivism, know how, control mood; Can't be clear to express one's own demand, brutality, nervousness, escape responsibility; Will not handle the interpersonal relationships of the health, material reliance.

|